Babysitting
by Hermes priestess
Summary: When Artemis Fowl is forced to look after his twin siblings without any help, be sure that chaos will ensue! Some parts based on a real event. Please R&R, flamers not accepted! Constructive critism only please.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer- If I owned the twins, Arty or Holly, do you think I would be writing fanfictions?**

**Authors note- Parts of this are based on an actual event a few years ago when I was eleven and stuck babysitting six young kids alone, two of which hated each other (although thankfully none of them were genii!).**

"Holly, there's an emergency up here" Artemis Fowl the second said, trying to keep the panic out of his voice to no prevail.The female elf groaned. Just her luck- the one night she had off and the pathetic excuse for a mud whelp was in trouble.

"I'm getting up Fowl. Whats happening? A rougue troll or demon in your backyard? Or has your father gone missing again?"

"No Captain, worse."

"Spit it out you d'arviting mud man!" she screamed over the fairy communicator.

"My parents are at some fancy dinner party and will be there all night. Butler and Juliet went too." the pale faced teenager said.

"Yeah, so what? Never mind, don't say. I think I know- lil' Arty is afraid of staying home alone!"

"Holly! This isn't a joking matter! They've left me here to look after the twins!"

"Thats all? Okay mudboy, bye!" she said with a glint in her eyes..

Artemis stared at his hand were the communicator was "No! Holly! Please help me! I don't know anything about watching kids!"

But she had already hung up leaving everyone's favorite genius alone with two smart hyperactive toddlers.

Artemis slowly walked up the stairs to were the playroom was, and to his almost certain doom. Sure enough, within a second of opening the door, he was tackled by a little girl.

"ARTY! Johny's being mean! He won't share the laptop with me!" she shrieked knocking her elder brother to the ground. He winced and got up.

"Um...Johnathan, give Diana a turn on the laptop." Artemis winced. This was definetly not imposing enough.

His 4 year old brother looked at him with sullen blue eyes. It was remarkable how much the younger and older brother were alike- both were genii, both were pale, they had blue eyes, they had the same hair and they both were criminal masterminds.

"Brother, please let me have another ten minutes. I've almost successfully hacked into NASA's top secret files." See what I mean?

Diana wasn't to pleased about that.

"It isn't fair! You always favor him!" she cried when her older brother nodded yes. "I wanted to play games on it!"

"Diana.." Artemis said nervously "Sorry. Here, if you wait patiently I'll give you a bar of chocolate."

She sniffed "Promise?"  
Artemis nodded, trying to look sincere "Promise."

He ran down the stairs again the get the promised candy bar, leaving the angry siblings alone with each other and quite a few projectiles.

It was sure to be a recipe for disaster.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- In the event I was really Eoin Colfer I would probably be working on the sixth AF book in a jacuzzi with a smoothie rather than be typing fanfictions on a slow family computer with a lazy dog sleeping on my lap. In other words- I'M NOT EOIN COLFER! don't sue**

Sugar Free...Sugar Free...Now wheres the sugar free chocolate? Artemis thought as he franticly searched through the pantry. They had Hersheys, Sees, Mars Bars and even an advent calender that was never used but nothing was sugar free. He was about to call Butler and ask about it (Artemis had never been in the pantry before), but was interrupted by a shrill shriek upstairs. Artemis grabbed a box of peeps and ran back up the stairs. He was going to get some serious exersize tonight.

What he saw was enough to shock a genius. There were both of his siblings in a perfect fencing position, each holding pool sticks. A broken laptop lay at Johnathans feet and he looked as if he was ready to kill his younger (by about 5 minutes) sister. The ferocious look he wore on his face was only softened by the fact that he was wearing "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" PJ's.

Had he been a fencing instructer, Artemis would have complemented them on their perfect stance and balenced way they held the pool sticks.

What he did instead was quite different: he wrenched them both apart and asked them

"Who broke the laptop?"

Artemis was immediatly besieged by both of his siblings argueing with each other.

"It was Johnathan!"

"Only because you tackled me for it!"

"But you still dropped it face down on the ground!"

"If both of you stop argueing for tonight, I'll give you these" Artemis said, gesturing towards the pink bunny peeps.

It was immediatly quiet.

"Good. Now both of you promise me- if I give you these peeps, you won't argue for tonight and you'll play with each other NICELY. Understand?" Diana and Johnathan both nodded quickly in agreement, and they instantly put up the cute little kid act- the big puppy dog eye look and the big wobbly lips.

Artemis rolled his eyes. What drama kings/queens. But it didn't stop him from giving them both a row of the peeps, which were devoured by both of them in less than a minute.

"So..What do you two usually do at night?"

Johnathan shrugged "I usually work on my hacking. But now SOMEONE broke my laptop..."

"Remember Johnathan- no argueing or getting angry at each other."

The 4 year old boy smirked "You never said anything about not getting angry."

"Well, I have now. What do my siblings want to do?"

Diana put on a smile identical to her twin brothers "Well, Daddy did get that new gaming system..."

Johnathan continued "And he won't let us on it..."

"So can we play on it? Just for tonight?" Diana said, doing the cute toddler act.

Johnathan added "And I want to check out the science behind the motion sensor."

"So PLEASE can we play on the Wii?" they said in chorus.

Artemis shook his head "If father doesn't wish for you to go on that, you have to respect his wishes. How about a board game?"

Diana glared at Artemis. Once the oldest brother went into the cupboard to look for a board game, Johnathan winked at her.

This meant war!

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